Meanwhile...

I suck, absolutely suck at writing recently.
By recently I mean the last eight months.

IN MY DEFENSE: The Sir has acquired new orders and we are processing a move on top of other things in about a month and a half.
Have I actually accomplished anything for this move? Well, we set the pack out date. The Navy knows when I want to leave the island. I have all my paperwork needed to check out of housing. So, yeah. I think I'm doing fairly well. I haven't cleaned a damn thing though. So there's that. Also I'm planning a yard sale. I only get 9,000 lbs to ship, and I'd like to use less than that.

ANYWHOSER. This is not why I wanted to post. I realized I never did the stereotypical End-Of-2013-Beginning-Of-2014 post. Honestly, I didn't have much to say. I got back to the island, and had a move thrown in my face two days later. I've been pretty busy with my own anxiety. I didn't even make a resolution this year. With the exception of the whole "52 weeks of saving" thing. I didn't even plan on starting that until last week. I have decided on a resolution of sorts. I've seen a few people do the "100 days of Happiness" thing, and I wanted to start that. Today. It kills two birds with one stone. It's a resolution, AND it'll make me write more frequently.
  Without further adieu;

100 Days Of Happiness Day 1: Reese's puffs and Coffee. The delicious balls of pseudo peanut butter and cocoa make the fact that I got barely two hours of sleep last night much more bearable. Coffee just makes my world go round, and anything that can give me energy currently is a godsend.

So that's it for right now. I need to get back to decluttering and organizing my house. Moving is such a pain.

How time flies

So, it's been 4...4.5 months now? I apologize for the lengthy absence. To be completely frank, I've taken a lengthy absence from life. I figured, since I'm about a month away from returning from this life hiatus, I might as well fill everyone in.

Whooah though, where to start?

 Ohhhhkay. So. I guess I technically started the hiatus in, April-ish? Everything always starts with my relationships. My marriage was kind of crashing around me. Mostly to my own doing, but relationships are a two-way street. I was losing myself in my marriage, in my "military wife" title, in having nothing to honestly call my own. With all of my friends' lives going in different (dare I say "better?") directions, I was having a bit of an existential crisis. Which I turned to some shit for comfort. Wasn't a wise decision, but I didn't know any better; didn't want to know any better. I took all of my frustrations out on my husband, and for that I am eternally sorry for.
  Anyway, I finally shook my head clear and decided it might be best for me to return to my roots. See my family, my dog, my friends who knew the "real" me. Sat my husband down, told him I booked a one-way plane ticket, and left. Well, left two months later.
  Fast-forward to July. I left around the 16th, and maybe a week before that my high school color guard instructor contacted me and said that if I was going to be in town for long enough, he had a job for me. I jumped on that job faster than anything. I love guard, will always love guard. Once I met the kids, I knew I belonged. End of July, I became the Ritchie County High School Color Guard Instructor. I absolutely fell in love with each and every student, and each of my guard girls have changed me in ways I couldn't imagine.
  Back to the original story at hand, so I'm in my hometown and for the first few weeks it was great. I belonged here, I loved it here in the MOV. Keyword, LOVED. Now, when it came to seeing my pets, my family, and my closest friends; I do love it. However, I am viewed as a novelty product, since I don't technically belong anymore. I've been gone for too long.
  I did get to do what I needed to accomplish though while I was here. I found myself, again. I'm still the same person, but now I don't feel the need to question it. It's okay that I got married at 19, and that I'm still married at 23. In fact, that's an honorable feat. Something no one expected.
  Helping those kids at RCHS definitely helped me too. I've never felt more pride in my life over anything or anyone. I can't imagine them not in my life. My only hope is that I've taught them something, because they helped me more in my crisis than anything else could have.
I'm a girl from appalachia, a color guard instructor, a college student, a wife, a military wife, a pet-mother. I'm overweight but confident, a humanist that leans a bit more towards feminist, a child at heart, in mind, and in spirit. And I am completely okay with all of this.
  It's taken 5 months, 5000 miles, and a whole group of people to help me get here. I'm now okay, and I fully intend on returning to writing, school, and hopefully continuing my color guard instructing. That is, if I can attend some clinics.
  And for anyone who thinks I'm a horrible person to leave my husband; 1) after explaining a bit, he understood why I had to leave, and 2) turned out he was going to be absent most of the time anyway. (by "most" I mean a decent 85-90% of the time I've been in my hometown, he's been gone on the ship) Which I did not know when I started, but I'm so glad that was the way it turned out. I feel horrible for having to go, but I just had to.
  I know this isn't very clear as to why I left, kind of points all the blame at my husband, but it wasn't all him. In fact it was mainly my brain, and it was stuff too personal to actually get into. I just felt like getting it all out now. It needed to be out.

The fire has been lit...

  I've been taking this philosophy in film class this summer. It's probably one of the most challenging classes I've ever taken, but one of my favorites. I looked forward to it every day. The class ended with a succession of presentations done by us classmates. There were seven of us. I was the only girl. Not only was I the only girl, I was the last to present.
  Most of the boys did religious-esque films. Life of Brian, Apocalypto. One boy did the film "Juice" starring Tupac, which for whatever reason brought out the gangster in all of the boys in the class. I ended up doing the film "All I wanna do!" which is a feminist film, set in 1963. It was between that, or Boondock Saints. I could tell my professor wanted me to do the feminist film, so I went ahead and presented feminism to a group of boys.
  It went better than expected, I got some of the expected questions "why do girls dress slutty, knowing men are visual creatures?" "Aren't women basically oppressing themselves and each other at this point?" But one remark killed me. Made me stop the film and get into a direct confrontation with a boy. (who is actually going for a philosophy major. He better check himself.)
  There is a scene in the film where the headmistress has a monologue discussing the years of oppression she has faced, urging a female student to go forth and lead. To promote change. It ends with the headmistress shaking the girl's hand with a firm handshake. The boy in my class commented "wow, that woman has such masculine hands." with a chuckle at the end.
  I quickly considered my options. Should I let it go? Treat it as a passing remark and leave it at that? I was seething, but I contemplated staying quiet. Then I realized that's exactly what women have been doing since the beginning. Staying quiet. If I wanted to be like the strong women I've seen and I look up to, I need to learn how to speak up.
  I paused the movie and said "That. that right there is the proof I needed to lecture feminism to a classroom full of boys. This woman just poured her heart out about the oppression she faces, and you degraded it down to the size of her hands. This is why we still need feminism." He came back with, "if I were to dress up, have my eyebrows and fingernails meticulously pampered, and went to shake hands with another man, he would look the other way. Judge me like you think I judged her. It's the same thing."
  The argument went on for a few more minutes between myself and him. My professor joined in as well, trying to let him know that it wasn't the same thing. This is why the world needs feminism and feminists. No matter what positions women hold, we will still be reduced to what we look like. We witnessed this in the 2008 election, when Sarah Palin's pantsuit budget was a hot topic of discussion. We witnessed it a week or so ago when people dogged on senator Wendy Davis for her outfit not matching. Above rape culture, above slut shaming, above fat and thin shaming, we need feminism because women need to stop being reduced to what we look like and start being held accountable for what we are able to achieve. And we are able to achieve great things.
  I know these boys went home thinking they are right and that women are just whiny bitches. Little did they know, that they fanned a spark into a huge flame, and I'll be damned if I don't add my voice to the millions of other women's voices that demand to be heard. I am that radical liberal "feminazi" I used to make fun of, and you have every reason to be afraid.

Hillary is about to Hulk Smash some shit.

  Let's start off this ranting post with a bit of good news.
  DOMA and Prop 8 were overturned!! This a HUUUUGE step in the right direction for equality for homosexuals in America and I am so happy that this was overturned. It's about damn time we started recognizing homosexuals and transexuals as real human beings and giving them some rights.

THAT BEING SAID. There has been a HUGE injustice on women in the past few days. As excited as I am for the LGBT community and their win today, I am equally as pissed off for my fellow women and their issues going on in Texas (as well as TWELVE other states in the U.S.) Yep. I'm talking about Wendy Davis, Senator Van De Putte (I cannot find her first name, damn it), and this whole abortion bill filibuster thing.
  Here's the shit most people know about it; Wendy Davis got up and talked on topic for 13 FUCKING HOURS STRAIGHT. She COULD NOT have water, food, go off topic, go to the bathroom, lean on anything, sit down, NOTHING. She got hit with a warning for someone adjusting her back-brace for her. Wendy, this wonder-woman, shared her own personal story of why women need abortion clinics and planned parenthoods, and she shared the stories of countless other women to keep a vote from happening that would SHUT DOWN these clinics, restrict abortions to before 20 weeks, and set strict standards for the remaining clinics. Oh, and it would restrict the use of drugs to end pregnancy. Yep, even though there are medications you can take to terminate a pregnancy early on, these asshats would rather doctors go in there the old-fashioned, incredibly intrusive way. How fucking quaint.
 Wendy WON her filibuster, with the help of the people in the gallery screaming and shouting and causing a ruckus so no one could vote. HOWEVER, the Texas Governor Rick Perry called for a special legislative to reconsider the proposal. And this is happening July 1st. Gov. Rick Perry was quoted saying "Texans value life and want to protect women and the unborn, we will not allow the breakdown of decorum and decency to prevent us from doing what the people of this state hired us to do." BECAUSE SAVING WOMEN'S LIVES IS BREAKING DOWN DECORUM AND DECENCY. Totally. That makes perfect sense. You know what Rick Perry? FUCK YOU. We dealt with this shit back in 1973 with Roe v. Wade. WHY ARE WE GOING BACK?! WHY?!
  Speaking of going back, while the whole nation was focusing on Texas and Wendy, our lovely government edited the Voting Rights Act. This act was put in place back in the 60's to keep people from being douche-bags and keeping minorities from voting. This is a link that will explain it better than I ever could. And in that link it explains why editing this act is fucking outrageous. States have closing polls in minority districts and zoning districts so minority-supported candidates can't get voted in. What the fuck?! And people still think America is over racism. SPOILER ALERT! We're not. Another clue that we're not over racism? This fucking Paula Deen scandal.
  Paula Deen has been fired from the Food Network because she used racial slurs and wanted to plan a Civil War themed wedding, complete with middle aged African-American waitstaff. Wait, what? Sure, Paula Deen is a privileged white woman from the south who grew up during the Civil Rights movement. Does that excuse her for using racial slurs? NO IT FUCKING DOESN'T. In fact, I think it makes it worse for her to say it. When she grew up, it was most definitely an insult to use racial slurs. And, perhaps more hurtful. Oh and a Civil War themed wedding?! Who the fuck wants a war themed wedding to begin with?! If you want an era themed wedding, that's one thing. Someone can say "I want a 1940's themed wedding!" but you don't hear them say "I want a World War II themed wedding complete with nazis, genocides, and bombings!" No, no that wouldn't happen. So why would someone actually want a Civil War wedding with slavery undertones? (and by "undertones" I mean SLAVERY THROWN IN YOUR FUCKING FACE.) If you can't tell, I most certainly stand behind the Food Network, and I sincerely hope that stores start pulling Paula Deen products off the shelves. I haven't bought her shit before, and I'm certainly not doing it now.

AMERICA. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE TAKING STEPS BACK?!

Big things are happening

I never write in here anymore. I write in my notebook at least twice a day, but that shit is just too personal for the internet. Maybe one day...
ANYWHOSER.  I am in my last week of my first semester of college EVER. Finals have been a bitch (specifically algebra) and I'm about 100% certain I am failing algebra, but nevertheless I AM SO EXCITED. Then I start my super awesome summer philosophy course. Philosophy in Films. I cannot wait. CAN. NOT. WAIT.
Other than those things, there are other big, big, BIG things happening in the life of Hillary. However,  they are waaay too personal and too new to put on the internet.
Please be on stand by for a real post later in life.

Let's discuss the Book of Leviticus.

  Today is NATIONAL EPILEPSY DAY! But, its also the day that marriage equality goes up against the supreme court. Which is more important in most eyes (however I'm reppin' Epilepsy day for my dear sister.) 
  BECAAAAAUSE it is this huge day for equality, I've been seeing some Leviticus thrown around all willy nilly. Which pisses me off to no end. There is plenty, and I do mean P-L-E-N-T-Y of shit in Leviticus (and all of Old Testament to be honest) that we do on a daily bases that God says is "banned".
  Background story time; so the book of Leviticus is found in the Old Testament of today's bible between the books of Exodus and Numbers. This was also before the birth and death of Jesus, when God appears to be very vengeful. When Jesus died, he cleared us of our sins and made the "laws" of the Old Testament more like moral guidelines for his followers. Before Jesus, you had to make sacrifices and such before you could get into heaven. After Jesus, you have to accept him into your heart (or be saved) and you're in. Some believe you have to confess or apologize for your sins as well. Some also believe in being baptized. However the main way into heaven is to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.
  What does this have to do with anything? Well, in the book of Leviticus (in the Old Testament) it says "you shall not lie with a man as with a woman, it is an abomination" (Leviticus 18:22) which does scream "HEY HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN, YOU SICK BASTARDS." but something tells me that we've all committed a crime against God, specifically from this book. Here is the whole list of things banned by Leviticus, but these are my very favorites, and I think they're also the most committed. 
- Eating Fat (3:17)
-Touching an "unclean" animal (5:2) [Mind you, "unclean animals" mean camels, rabbits, pigs, moles, mice, lizards, cats, dogs, bears, lions, tigers, ect. All can be found in Leviticus, Deuteronomy, and here. It also says you can't eat unclean animals either (11:4-7), so there goes bacon. Also football is out the window, you can't touch the carcass of an unclean animal. (11:8)]
- Carelessly making an oath (5:4)
- Letting your hair become unkempt (10:6)
- Tearing your clothes (10:6)
- Going to church within 33 days after having a boy, or 66 days after having a girl (12:4-5)
- Having sex with a woman while she's on her period (18:9)
- Cursing the deaf or abusing the blind (19:14)
- Seeking revenge or bearing a grudge (19:18)
- Mixing fabric in clothing (19:19)
- Getting tattoos (19:28)
...the list goes on.You can seriously check out the whole list yourself. I'm not trying to bash any religions or religious practices; but if you've even worn a polyester cotton blend, eaten bacon, touched a football, fucked while bleeding, or held a grudge; you're just as bad as the man sleeping with another man (or a woman sleeping with another woman.)
Basically, what I'm trying to get at is; love the sinner, hate the sin. You don't have to approve of everything your friends/family do. Besides, I'm pretty sure the Bible also says "judge not lest ye be judged..." (Matthew 7:1). 
Last thought, please please PLEASE don't come up to me with this "well you're just an atheist piece of shit!" stuff, because I'm not. I fully believe in a higher power. I just hate seeing something that has as much power as the bible does being put to misuse. I know your God is a God of love, I just wish more people would preach His love instead of His malice and anger. That's all.

Okay okay, my real last thought, HAPPY EPILEPSY AWARENESS DAY! Wear some purple, show your love, lets find a cure that doesn't involve brain surgery! 

Restlessness.

  Hawaii decided to get pissed at me for disrespecting their state. The day after that post, I got into a fender-bender. I'm okay, the car is okay, the other drivers are spectacular, and best of all; my car insurance didn't go up!! Well, that's probably one of two great things, I also didn't get a ticket. Which is awesome.
  In other news, I'm getting that "I need to change shit up" itch. Normally this itch is only satisfied if I re-arrange a room or if I do something outrageous to my hair. (or both)
  I really want to renovate my guest room. By "renovate" I mean re-arrange the furniture, get rid of the bed, and turn it into a home office. I really can't "renovate" anything in base housing, at least with the normal definition, other than paint. Which I won't do. I don't know how long I'll be on island anymore and paint is like a more permanent hair-dye job. Which I dye my hair ungodly often, and a different color every time. Lawd knows what I would do to some walls if I had paint. Plus you have to get the paint approved by housing and that's a hassle I don't feel like dealing with. Oh, and you have to paint the walls back to the shitty white they are now. Matching this crap-tastic white. Not worth it.
  Anyway, in my dream guest room/home office I would replace the bed with a nice futon, add my desk and bookshelf, and keep the dresser we have in there. I need to refurbish the desk and the bookshelf though. They're both old (one belonged to Ryan's dad, the other belonged to my mom) and they've been through the ringer. However, I don't think Ryan would be so gung-ho about doing this. I'd make this my little project (since my scooter is his project), and he wouldn't have to do much other than help me move things. Also it would clear the little office space I've made myself in the dining room. However, it's his family that comes to visit us, and I don't think he'd want to lose the extra bed.
  I know this post means nothing to anyone, buuut I needed to get it out of my head.